Though none of us seemed to notice (aside from a few travel writers in their mid-to-late-30s), at some stage in the recent past, it became impossible to travel the world and still enjoy yourself. I was quite surprised when I read the first article describing this awful phenomenon, though as I began to see more and more of these articles, posts and photomontages with the generic, terrible backing music, it became clear that not only was this a world-wide disaster, but it has been caused by…well…everything.
So as a tribute to the apparently lost age of travelling and still enjoying one’s self, I have put together a top-10 list of the things responsible for the demise of travel…
- Young People – Yes, we are talking about YOU, person who is younger than whoever wrote the article, you are RUINING TRAVEL, you selfish, childless, blatant user of disposable-income. How dare you have fun while you travel! More mature people who’s bodies can no longer have the kinds of fun you are having demand that you stop all of this fun immediately so they can go back to pretending that getting old isn’t incredibly depressing.
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Does it make sense to drive with your front bumper inside the boot of the car in front of you? I mean EVER – never mind when travelling at speeds above 110kph (68mph).
I only ask because after another frustrating drive along that glorious stretch of bitumen we call the Hume Highway, I am driven to question the motivations of certain fellow highway users.
The people who choose to overtake a truck at 1kph faster than the truck as the truck approaches a learner driver in their lane; the people who drive at twice the legal speed limit and flash their lights and honk when they arrive behind someone not going as fast as they are (hint: that’s everybody, dipshit – learn some patience for those of us who don’t want to die today); the people who seem to think that the adequate stopping room I’ve left between my car and the car in front is there exclusively for them to swing their car wildly into when they finally realise that the car in front of them is travelling slower than they are; the people who either choose not to engage cruise control or don’t have it and can’t maintain an even speed, then get upset when they are re-overtaken by those of us who can; the people who overtake at atmospheric-exit speed, pull in front of you, then brake and sit on a speed 5kph slower than you’re going; finally, most frustrating of all, the people who travel SLOWLY along an entrance ramp to the highway and are then forced to stop because they’re going too bloody slow! Get yourself up to the same speed as the highway and you can fucking MERGE! YOU ARE KILLING ME!
There are so many others I still do not understand, but at highway speeds, accidents will usually result in someone dying and quite frankly I’d rather it not be me or anyone in my car, so if you are one of the above people – please, please try not to use the highway on the weekend or buy me some good quality drugs so I can have some hope of understanding why you want to drive the way you drive.