Latest Entries »

Like every other Tiger fan, I have been recovering since Sunday. Like many Tiger fans, in the week leading up to the Elimination Final, I downloaded the “All for the Finals” wallpaper and put it on every device I own.

Like every one of those fans, for the last week I’ve felt the sting every time I read the word “Finals”.

Now I like my Richmond Football Club wallpapers and I figured rather than take down the 2015 wallpaper for the off-season, I thought I’d make some modifications so that the Finals desktop wallpaper (which I thought was great) so that it was off-season friendly. I’ve hosted it on the site below for you to download.

These are not official wallpapers, but they are slightly modified official wallpapers (as in I did not create these, I just modified them). RichmondFC – please let me know if you need me to take them down or whatnot, but also feel free to host them on your site for everyone to download for the off-season.










Geelong conducting tryouts for Season 2016...

Geelong conducting tryouts for Season 2016…

It has taken five long years, but the hard work put in by people in the football media and the footy-going public claiming the end was nigh for Geelong has finally paid off with the Cats certain to miss the 2015 finals (barring some sort of multi-club drugs scandal). Certainly these people* take the award for persistence.

The Geelong Cheer Squad will have to finally fold up and store their “Too old, Too Slow, Too good” banner after being able to proudly hold it aloft in each of the 2011, 2012, 2013 and 2014 seasons. Even if Geelong win the Premiership in 2016, with an average age lower than the AFL Commission’s average golf handicap, the Cats’ list could hardly be referred to as “Too old”.

The cleanout of champion senior players is inevitable at the end of season 2015, so the rebuild process cannot begin quick enough and senior coach Chris Scott has been seen scouting polo fields, synchronised swimming tournaments and sepak takraw courts in the Bangkok ghetto searching for even more left-field project recruits. When asked by a semi-conscious drunk (me) about his presence at the Thai foot-volleyball court, Scott replied: “We have plenty of time to develop players now. No need to take ready-made players from steeplechase and gymnastics anymore.”

Wise words.

The real question for the coach, however, remains: how long can the Geelong Board put up with this lack of success? The last time Geelong failed to make the finals (2006), they held a sweeping internal audit which resulted in then-coach Mark “Bomber” Thompson being told that if the Cats didn’t win the Premiership in 2007, he’d be sacked. Only a run of three consecutive Grand Finals and two Premierships saved Thompson from the axe. An axe which finally fell in 2010 when the Cats did not make the Grand Final.

It has been this sort of robotic ruthlessness which has seen Geelong become the powerhouse it is today. Only Chris Scott’s promise to win the 2011 Premiership secured him the senior coach job at the end of 2010. Now that they have failed to make the finals – how long can Scott truly hang on as coach? Surely he must be almost as under-the-pump as Nathan Buckley who famously promised to win the Premiership, the Superbowl and the Olympics in order to secure the top job at Collingwood.

Still, with the number of Premiership players likely retiring at season’s end, Geelong is nothing if not spoiled for choice when it comes to coaching candidates.

The off-season should be one of the most interesting in recent memory with so many greats of the game retiring, so many clubs (not Geelong) actually in a position to win a flag and the sports journalist fraternity FINALLY caught up with the footy public in being sick of the Essendon drugs scandal.


* I will call them “these people” to take the spotlight off the fact that I was one of them.

bop_searchSo far the new writing regime (as detailed in This Blog is Somewhat the Victim of Fear) is going at a level I will call “well”. I have revised five complete chapters since I wrote down my intentions and started back into my novel Bifrost (4 weeks now) and I am VERY eager to get into the next few chapters which are some of my favourites in the novel (and yet still need some serious revising).

The only exception to my new regime’s success is 5am Writers Club which former or present member can attest is a very challenge club in which to stay a member!! Continue to either sleep through or turn off my alarm. But tomorrow’s another day!

This renewed desire to get things done on my novel is a welcome change to the rut I was in leading up to and whilst I was on our awesome holiday to LEGOLand and some other place I forget*. It made me wonder to myself as I was sweeping the kitchen floor the other night: what the hell has changed recently? Why do I suddenly have the drive to write?

I went over the weeks leading up to the holiday: nothing special, was getting a bit stale at work (needed a holiday), was reading books, was thinking about football a lot. Maybe that was it – maybe it was football. But then it was still football season back in March when I was KILLING it on Bifrost and actually finished the damn thing. So what is it?

Then I realised – back in mid-late 2014, after consuming all the Guardians of the Galaxy I could handle I’d decided to go and read a bunch of comic backissues which covered some of the seminal story arcs in comic history that I’d (for whatever reason) never read: The Infinity Gauntlet, The Mark Waid run on The Flash, Spider-Man: Maximum Carnage – that sort of thing. I was reading comics every night (and on public transport)…(and whenever I got time) and I was super-vibed about geting work done on my book.

Many weeks ago, when I saw the leaked footage of the Suicide Squad movie, I decided to go and check out the Suicide Squad backissues (yes, even the first run from the 80s & 90s). I also felt this was a good time to start reading Gail Simone’s work on the Secret Six because Gail is completely awesome.

Then all of a sudden I’m wicked vibed to get onto my revisions. It was comics all along! It wasn’t books or movies or TV or the web (as if) – it was comics!

So here’s to comics. Bring on the backissues and bring on the revisions!!


Site Redesign

under_constructionFinally I decided to get rid of the old dodgy background and replace it with a new dodgy background. Hopefully with this new background you can actually read the text and the site looks just a bit less like a mySpace page.

You’ll probably notice (aside from the ability to read the text) the FEEDS section on the right-hand side. This (though pretty) is unfortunately static, unlike the upcoming addition of my Twitter and (possibly) Facebook feeds. In the meantime the static feeds you see are tiny teasers for Bifrost, the Metsas Mountains and armour both featuring pretty prominently in the story (though the tiny version of the armour status you can see doesn’t really give much away).

There will be more changes in the coming weeks as I get time to work on the site (usually instead of Monday Night Games…sorry gents).

And yes – that is a picture of two construction workers in China walking out on the end of a crane without any sort of safety harness. I took the picture myself. It was crazy. It was also raining.


Not Like This

One of Goodes' many, many, many speccy marks

Now I will always love my Tigers above all other teams, but our local AFL team is the Sydney Swans and I’ll freely admit that I’ve always had a soft spot for the Red and White.

I watch more of their games live than any other team, so I suppose it’s hard not to like them just a bit and given 4yo has latched onto the Swans as his favourite team, I reckon that soft spot is there to stay. I never enforced any rule like Dad’s “everyone has a different team” and yet I ended up with a Tiger (7yo), a Giant (6yo), a Swan (4yo) and Co-Consul continues to deny that she’s a Bomber (like a lot of Bomber fans at the moment I suppose). I love the diversity of our footy family because it means I get to watch more football (reckon Dad was onto something).

Because I’ve been able to watch the Swans since I moved to Sydney, I watched as their 2005 Premiership unfolded, their 2006 campaign end in defeat and their 2012 Flag cement their spot as one of the power teams of the early new millennium. I’ve watched Adam Goodes develop from a gifted young rookie, to a Rising Star, to a gifted, yet injury-prone ruckman, get moved back out to the midfield to become a superstar, dual-Brownlow Medallist, dual-Premiership player and co-Captain, four-time All Australian, three-time Bob Skilton Medallist and Australian of the Year.

I respect the footy ability of every superstar the game has produced, but Adam Goodes is one of the few I feel is as deserving of respect for their work off the field as they are for their work on it.

I’ve never met the man personally, but from what I’ve seen on TV, live in games, live on the sidelines and heard about him – he’s a driven, passionate man with a quiet, considered demeanour. He seems a man who wants to set an example for young people of all backgrounds, but particularly for young Indigenous people whom he feels the deepest kinship. He is a man who can help make this country a better place to live and wants to make that difference with all his heart.

I have the utmost respect for Adam Goodes, for what he has done for the game of Australian football in New South Wales, for what he has done for young people and what he has done for the profile and respect Australians pay to Indigenous people. I respect him even more for the way in which he has gone about it – I have never heard Adam Goodes speak disrespectfully about anyone or anything, he has always maintained not only his calm, considered demeanour throughout his career, but has also dealt with the spotlight and the media with a class you don’t often see. Goodes has worked through the Sydney Swans in schools, raising money for charity, publicly spoken out against incidents of racism and with his 2005 Premiership teammate Michael O’Loughlin, has set up the Go Foundation which helps Indigenous kids complete their school educations and hopefully encourage them to bigger and brighter things than if they had dropped out. In our most recent generations of school-goers, 68% of Indigenous kids dropped out of school before they finished Year 12 compared to only 28% of non-Indigenous kids. Despite what the far-right paper the Daily Telegraph may have said (I won’t link to their “article”, but you can look it up) – this man deserved every bit of his Australian of the Year honours and then some.Adam Goodes with his Mum after he won the Rising Star in 1999

It saddened me to read this morning that Adam Goodes was considering hanging up the boots, not because his body could no longer take the rigours of football as many aging stars find, but because opposition crowds continue to boo him when he gets the football. It saddened me not because I think it’s true, I would think a competitive sports person like Adam Goodes would eat that sort of opposition heat and fire back with superb football (as he did) and perhaps the odd war dance (see – class), but rather it saddened me because people might actually believe that it’s true. That a man of this stature could be brought low by a bunch of half-pissed idiots in the opposition crowd.

Now for all that’s been written about the racist overtones of the booing of Adam Goodes, I don’t believe the phenomenon began as a racist thing. I personally think it began as a reaction to a couple of diving incidents. These incidents Goodes has said himself he’s not proud of, but many, many superstars have been caught diving – recent 400-game player Brent Harvey is a perfect example. Smart players, you see, will do almost anything to win and Boomer and Adam Goodes I think are cut from the same competitive cloth. Star players also seem to get an easier ride from umpires because they are star players and both Goodes and Harvey have certainly had their share of star treatment on-field. Some years ago, after a couple of questionable on-field incidents, opposition crowds started to boo Boomer Harvey, but the Kangaroos faithful quickly picked it up and decided to own it with the “BOOOOOOOOOOOMER!” cry every time he touched the ball. Now it’s a Kangaroos war cry.

The fact that the booing of Goodes has continued, I think indicates that it has now become about race, as the sadly inevitable racist elements of every crowd latch onto the booing and join in – thinking that they can suddenly get away with expressing the racism which our increasingly educated society has forced them to hide away in recent years.

Well I’m here to say that they can’t. We’re not going to accept people booing this man for any reason – particularly for the absurd reason of his cultural background!

Goodes as Co-Captain winning the 2012 PremiershipWhat I’d like to see is one of two things: either everyone who attends the next Swans match to call for any booers to shut up or for Sydney Swans fans to take a leaf out of the Kangaroos book and own it. Make it a war cry of your own “GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODES!” You’re going to need to publicise the ownership so that everybody knows it’s you and not these other wankers, but why not? Own it! It worked for Boomer.

But whichever way, I’d like everyone with half a brain cell to stand up for one of the greatest players to ever play the game – one of only fourteen players to ever win two Brownlow Medals – stand up for a champion of not only the Sydney Swans but of the sport of Australian Football, stand up and show respect to an Australian who has done many things to make this country better, stand up for a man who, unlike many of these booing idiots who claim to be proud of an Australia they’ve had nothing to do with improving, should be able to walk away from the game proud of his achievements and the respect he has earned from them.

Goodes could well have been planning to hang up his boots at season’s end anyway, but this blight on the game should not be the closing chapter of Adam Goodes’ playing career. He should be respected as one of the great players ending his career in style as part of the Sydney Swans team which made their 6th successive Finals appearance and their 12th in 13 years.


hawksAs the AFL community at large turns its attention toward the seemingly unstoppable Hawks and bookmakers continue to shorten their odds of the Flag heading to Glenferrie Oval for a third straight year, the early favourites in Fremantle, despite still sitting on top of the ladder, are looking a little tired after their 9-0 start to the season.




dockers_trainingFew could deny that the Dockers’ results since the bye in Round 12 – even the unconvincing wins over bottom-4 opponents – are proof that their stamina is flagging. But if history is anything to go by, then all is not what it seems when the Dockers cross the white line in mid-to-late season.

Whilst at the helm of St Kilda, Fremantle coach Ross Lyon was well known for punishing his Saints on the training track in the lead-up to the finals and July-August was when the pain began (for the players and the fans).

In Round 16, 2009 the Saints were a game clear on top of the ladder (sound familiar?). They comfortably beat top-8 sides Adelaide and the Bulldogs, then in Round 18 only just snuck past a Sydney team languishing in 11th spot, then went on to lose two of their final four matches against opposition either vying for 8th spot (Essendon) or out of the race entirely (North Melbourne). The Saints went on to finish on top of the ladder in the home-and-away, but lost to Geelong on the big day.

It was a different story in 2010 when the Saints under Lyon had just gone down to Collingwood in Round 16, they drew with Hawthorn in Round 17 and were sitting outside the top-4. With their position in the 8 anything but a certainty, Lyon said in an interview that the team weren’t in a position to “flatten out” in matches due to training overload. Interestingly, 2010 was the closest the Saints got Premiership glory, drawing with Collingwood in the first Grand Final before being soundly beaten the following week in the rematch.

By 2013 Ross Lyon had made the switch west and the Dockers, despite sitting in 5th, had the luxury of a soft draw leading into the finals. A review of the results and comments from Lyon would indicate that the 2nd-year Dockers coach brought forward the timeline for his punishing training burst in order to make a tilt for the top-4. Coming off what Lyon called a “really heavy training load”, the Dockers lost to Richmond at the MCG in Round 16, then proceeded to win every match until Round 23 when (the team’s position in 3rd assured) Lyon elected to leave most of his stars in Western Australia and team which more closely resembled the Dockers WAFL Reserves than the best-22 were handed a thrashing by the struggling Saints at Aurora Stadium. That the Dockers caused one of the upsets of the season the following week in Qualifying Final against the Cats vindicated Lyon’s decision to not only leave the stars at home the previous week, but also the heavy training load in June-July.

Perhaps their result in the Grand Final against the Hawks two weeks later suggests the heavy load went a little TOO early to pay the ultimate dividend.

This year, given the Dockers are a game clear on top of the ladder, two games clear of the 3rd-placed Hawks and have a run home which the coach could conservatively pencil in as at least 4-5 wins, one suspects Ross Lyon has his players’ pushing themselves harder than every before at every training session right now (several weeks later than 2013). The extra training load will likely be a factor in every match up until the last few when the whip will have been put away to allow the players’ bodies to build up strength ready for them to explode into the last couple of home-and-away rounds and the Qualifying Final.

With the exception of very few, the members of this Dockers team will still feel the pain of the 2013 Grand Final loss to the Hawks and with their position on top of the ladder, they will each know what it takes to not only get to the big day, but also how it feels to get there only to fall short. The Dockers are hungry.

dockers_huddleFeeling the training load most of all will likely be the Dockers youngest and oldest players. Possibly the reason for the drop-off in form of Captain Matthew Pavlich. Is this the mighty Docker’s last season? Will the thought of seeing the greatest player their club has ever seen go quietly into the night without having tasted Premiership glory drive them to take it now?

Only time will tell, but one thing’s for sure – we shouldn’t write off the Dockers just yet.


Day 36:

My Master,

As you may have felt from the minor disturbances in the force, there have been some personnel issues during the test firing of the new Death Stars medium-range defensive cannons.wpid-wp-1437112064391.jpg

An accident during a live fire exercise has resulted in the death of an infantry stormtrooper.







A subsequent investigation determined that the personnel register originally drawn up for the Death Star’s crew (see graphic) did not include any actual Death Star Gunners. This oversightdeath_star_personnel forced the Moff in charge of tasking to use the only senior staff not already assigned to critical tasks. That’s right – we had to use managers. Unfortunately the manager in charge of test-firing the medium-range cannons was trying to cut corners and get to lunch early, so failed to aim before they fired.


I have dealt with the manager responsible appropriately.























I have also ensured that some trained, experienced Death Star Gunners have been posted to the Death Star. The medium-range guns have now been thoroughly tested.


The Death Star WILL be completed on schedule.


All my love,

— Darth Vader


Yes…my name is something starting with “I” and it has been 21 days since my last blog post.

I am a bad monkey.

It’s not so much that I haven’t had anything to post about, in fact, Co-Consul, 7yo, 6yo, 3yo & I just spent 10 days in Asia partying like it’s 1989, but rather while myself and my family are overseas I tend not to like to post about it. I’m not sure if I’m so much a private person or whether it’s more the relentless fear my parents drummed into me regarding being broken into & robbed which prevents me from blogging about or while on holidays, but either way, I put a ban on it. The utterly shite WiFi in some of the hotels we stayed in* was also a minor factor.

But here I am! Back to the land of Oz, rather a lot colder than I was in Singapore, Malaysia or Thailand, but all the better for having travelled.

Before we left I was feeling tired, stressed, overwhelmed and I wasn’t writing very much at all because I felt so tired, stressed and overwhelmed. Yes, yes – I know I should just keep going, but it’s very hard to do that when there is approximately 1 hour per week in which you can just keep going. My life seemed to have scheduled writing out of it and not being able to find time to write was part of what had me so stressed.

While we were away it was even more difficult with the kids sleeping in the same room as us, the timezone changes throwing us all out juuuuust enough to be annoying and there being SO MUCH to do during the days that the nights consisted of putting the kids to bed, then sleeping. But I got to thinking: I need to write, I WANT to write, I LOVE to write, so why don’t I just write? Why don’t I actively schedule in some writing time and just ignore everything else for those periods?

So here’s the plan:

  • Monday: Write on the bus + Monday Night Games (optional blogging when MNG goes tits-up…you know like tonight)
  • Tuesday: Write/Edit from 8 – 10
  • Wednesday: 5am Writers Club (yes – ouch. But it’s SOOOOO good)
  • Thursday: 5am Writers Club + 30 min blog window which could be filled with Writing/Editing
  • Friday: Party night. No writing unless Co-Consul is out, then it’s WriteClub!!
  • Saturday: 30 min blog window which could be filled with Writing/Editing
  • Sunday: 5am Writers Club + Write/Edit 8 – 10

So let’s see how this goes, but if I can actually DO this, it should give me around 8-9 hours writing time per week. Which is around 7-8 hours more than I’m getting at the moment and means I should have Bifrost’s second draft finished by the time I can draw a pension. HUZZAH!

Yes, I’ll write a travel blog post soon.



*Not LEGOLand – its WiFi was solid

shrinking_menThere has been a lot of confusion and debate recently around the AFL’s decision to adjust the rules around players in possession ducking their heads mid-season. I am personally not at all confused and I think the football public and commentators in particular need to stop screaming that the sky is falling and everyone (including the umpiring fraternity) need to just pay attention to the evolution of the game where it relates to head trauma and head-high contact.

Since the official push for stricter interpretation (Round 10, 2015) of the “ducking rule” (introduced Round 01 2014), I personally think the umpires ARE paying attention and they ARE adjudicating the new rule correctly in many contentious situations. Are they making mistakes? Yes. But they have been told to suddenly start paying attention to a rule in the middle of a season which runs contrary to the protection-of-the-head rule changes which have been in force since 2007. It’s going to take some time for the umpires to adjust their natural response to head-contact. One can only imagine (unless one is Director of Umpiring Wayne Campbell) that it was the contradictory nature of the ducking rule which lead to it being largely ignored in season 2014.

So what is the history of head-contact rules and why is it so natural for umpires to pay the free kick for high contact?

Punching players in the head has always been banned, though probably the biggest deterrent to players actually hitting each other in the head has been television. Only since the introduction of multiple field umpires as video evidence at the tribunal have off-the-ball incidents been all but stamped out.

So what of in-play incidents? When were these rules introduced which wound up with players getting free kicks for head-butting opponents’ stomachs?

It was 2007 when the strict head-high contact rule was introduced. The rule stated that:

  • An automatic free kick be awarded to a player with their head over the ball if head contact was made to them or if any high contact was made in any way. This also became an automatic reportable offence.

The laws of the game document also includes graphics to highlight the areas of the body protected by this rule.

In 2011, the concussion rule was introduced forcing teams to conduct concussion tests on player who had been knocked out during play and preventing them from returning to the field if they failed the test. The contentious bumping rule was also introduced to the effect of:

  • Players electing to bump instead of tackle will be reported should their bump strike the head

In 2013, the concussion rule was amended to allow teams to temporarily substitute a player who was undergoing a concussion test (nicely done, Geelong).

duck_free_kickThe head was now (theoretically) comprehensively protected from a rules point of view. Of course AFL players are professional athletes and will do what they need to do – within the rules of the game – to gain an advantage, so the first thing they did was start to lead with their head. They figured they could draw a free-kick by using their head like a battering-ram on an opponent or throwing their head down as they were about to be tackled. Of course it worked and a huge number of head-high free kicks were awarded in 2013 as marked by the football public and media alike (though comparing 2013’s tackle-head-high frees against previous seasons is impossible because the stat was first isolated in 2013).

So the rule introduced to protect players’ heads was actually having the opposite effect with players putting their heads into dangerous positions more often in order to draw free kicks. This lead the AFL to introduce the High Contact for Players Leading with the Head rule prior to the 2014 season. The rule stipulates that:

  • A player who drives his head into a stationary or near stationary player shall be regarded as having had prior opportunity.  If legally tackled following this he will be required to legally dispose of the ball or he will be penalised
  • Where a player ducks into a tackle and is the cause of high contact the umpire will call play on.

This is the rule which seems to be causing the current confusion, but if you read it in its strictest sense, the rule is clear: if a player in control of the ball intentionally uses their head to make contact with another player, a head-high free kick will not be awarded to them. That’s it. All other rules related to players in possession of the ball are age-old and apply here as anywhere else.

For reasons known only to Wayne Campbell and the umpires, the umpiring fraternity chose to all but ignore this new rule for the 2014 season. Back in May, Campbell himself claimed the interpretation they had applied to the ducking rule was “loose”. So in response to the increasing number of players dabbling in the duck-arts, as of Round 10, umpires are required to actually pay attention to the ducking rule. I think this stricter interpretation comes not a minute too soon for those of us driven mad by free kicks for players who are all but head-butting their opponents.

This year the concussion rule was also strengthened making the interpretation of a knock-out incident more specific and forcing clubs (with the threat of fines) to keep players off the field following a knock-out incident.

To date there is still no official rule relating to “sling tackles”, though one suspects that this will change in the near future.

— I.E. Kenner


elsa_iphoneSo I decided for a change I’d use my actual paid vocation to write a blog post (weird, right?).

In case you didn’t know, writing is actually something I do in my spare time (you know, the 6-7 minutes per day) and what actually pays my bills is training people how to fix enterprise (read: large & expensive) computer equipment. I’ve been working with enterprise IT hardware and software for the better part of 16 years and in that time I have learned a few tricks (just a few). Some of these tricks even translate to laptops & phones!

Very often a friend of family member complains of experiencing a crash or freeze and I felt it was high time I wrote down what do in these cases when I have them. The primary piece of advice I can give – regardless of which device you are using – is: MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A BACKUP!!!!

This applies to everything – email, documents, contacts – you name it. It doesn’t really matter whether you back up to the cloud or to a USB hard drive, as long as the backup is verified to exist and to have the right data, you have a way to recover your valuable info!

NOTE: Most of the steps listed below will close your apps and/or shutdown your device and lose any unsaved work, so if you haven’t saved your work, you may want to just wait a bit longer before trying any of this (remember – sometimes the easiest way to recover from IT issues is to wait a bit longer).


android_logo   apple_logo

Apps on Your Smartphone or Tablet (yes, this includes iPhone)

Just when you need it most, one of the smartphone apps has stopped responding. This is standard operating procedure for technology – you’re late for work and the bus timetable app crashes; you need to buy tickets for a concert before they sell out and the ticketing app crashes**; you just paid for a movie and before it seems to complete, the movie app crashes. This seems to happen more often because we always remember it; when things work perfectly, we seem to take it for granted.

Once an app has crashed, it will no longer respond to screen touches. If your app is still responding to screen touches, then it has not fully crashed, but this does not mean these steps won’t help recover it.

  1. Assuming you have tried to close the app using the Back button (Android) or the exit option (if there is one) in the app itself (iPhone), continue with Step 2
  2. Return to your home screen using the home button
    • This will determine if the whole smartphone has gone down or just the app
  3. Close the app using the OS:
    • iPhone: Double-tap your home button
    • Android: touch the change window button android_alt-tab
  4. Scroll through your apps until you find the one which has crashed, then
    • Android: Swipe app icon across
    • iOS 6: Touch and hold app icon until it starts wobbling & you see the little “x”, then touch the “x”  iphone_icon_wobble
    • iOS 7: Swipe app icon up
  5. Test the app again. If it works – HUZZAH! If not, continue with Step 6 (Android) or Step 11 (iPhone)
  6. Open up the Settings for you phone (It’s the sivler/grey cog icon) settings
  7. Touch the Apps menu item apps
  8. Find the app which is not responding in the list & touch it to open its settings
  9. Select “Force Stop” force_stop
  10. Test the app again. If it works – HUZZAH! If not, continue with Step 11
  11. Reboot your phone
    • Hold the power button until the phone prompts you to reboot or power off, then power off and power back on (or reboot – it’s up to you)

Steps for other smartphones:


android_logo   apple_logo

Your Smartphone

So your smartphone has suddenly stopped working entirely. It’s not responding to tapping the screen, so what can you do?

  1. Press the home button (if your phone has one)
  2. Ensure you phone is unlocked, then press & hold the power button for 10-15 seconds
    • If this works, reboot the phone; if not – continue with Step 3
  3. Force-reboot the phone
    • Android: Press & hold the sleep/wake button + the volume down button simultaneously until the phone vibrates
    • iPhone: Press & hold the sleep/wake button + the home button simultaneously until you see the Apple symbol
  4. If this does not work, try plugging the phone into power, then repeat all steps 1-3
  5. If this does not work, try plugging the phone into your computer (with the USB cable provided with the phone), then if nothing on the computer screen helps, repeat steps 1-3
  6. If THIS does not work, it may be time to visit the repair shop



An App on Your Windows PC

So an application has crashed and is not responding to any input (mouse or keyboard) on your Windows PC.

  1. Click the “X” button in the top right-hand corner of the application. red_x  If this doesn’t work, continue with Step 2
  2. Hold down (at the same time) the following keys: Ctrl+Shift+Esc
  3. The Task Manager dialogue^ will appear with a number of tabs at the top. task_mgr  Select Applications
  4. Find the application which has crashed. It will probably report that the application is “Not Responding”. Click the application’s name in the list to highlight it.
  5. Click the End Task button
  6. If this does not work, save your other work & reboot the computer



Your Windows PC

Over the years, Windows has gone through ebbs and flows of stability. Since Windows 7, the stability of the OS has been quite consistent, so I’m not going to talk about Windows for Workgroups or Windows NT, I’m only really covering Windows 7/8 here. If you follow this list, your machine has stopped responding to all input (including Ctrl+Alt+Del). If your mouse is still working, your CPU or memory is just overloaded and you MAY be able to come out of it by waiting a while.

  1. Hold down Ctrl+Shift+Esc – if there is any spare memory or CPU left, this should bring up the Task Manager
    • If the above works, try to use the arrow keys & TAB (if the mouse isn’t working) to select any applications “Not Responding” and End Task on them
    • If the Task Manager does NOT come up, continue with Step 2
  2. Hold down the power system button for 10 seconds. This should power off the system. If this step does NOT work, continue with Step 3.
  3. Turn off the power point which powers your computer. If you are using a laptop, remove the battery also.
  4. If these steps do not resolve the problem, you computer is alive and it may be time to hide in a concrete bunker



An App on your Mac

“What?” I hear you say – “Mac’s don’t CRASH!”. It is a common claim of the Apple enthusiast, but ultimately false. Everything crashes.

  1. Click on the “X” in the top right-hand corner of the app window. If this does not work, continue with Step 2
  2. Open the Apple menu (either press & hold Command+Option+Esc on the keyboard or select Force Quit from the Apple menu in the menu bar)
  3. A new window will open entitled “Force Quit”. Select the app which will not close from the list, then click “Force Quit”
  4. If the app still does not close, save your other work & reboot the computer



Your Mac

Many of you may know that OSX (the Mac OS) is, for better or worse, is a little different from Windows. If you are attempting these steps, your Mac should not be responding at all, as in no Apple Menu, no keyboard shortcuts working and (probably) the mouse not responding either. These steps should work with a Macbook, Powerbook or Mac desktop.

  1. Hold the Control key down, then press the system power button once. This will bring up the shutdown menu dialogue. If this does not work, continue with Step 3
  2. Choose Shut Down or Restart
  3. Press and hold your system power button for 5 or more seconds. This should force the system to shut down. If this step does not work and you are NOT using a Macbook or Powerbook, continue with step 4
  4. Only perform this step if the above does not work. This step will only work on a desktop machine. Turn off the power point which powers your Mac. Wait for 10 seconds, then turn it back on.
  5. If these steps do not resolve the problem, it may be time to take the machine to the repair shop


* The Operating System (OS) is the software which runs your device. Windows is the most common home computer OS, iOS is the iPhone OS and Android is the name of Google’s smartphone OS.

** Actually it’s usually larger-scale crashes (like the ticketing company’s servers or data bandwidth) which cause ticketing purchase headaches, but let’s just run with it.

^ In an IT application or operating system, a “dialogue” is basically a small window which lets you control, configure or change something


Powered by WordPress

All content including images are © I. E. Kenner 1997 - 2015